The injury situation is soooooo bad that ....... me and Swamprooter are coming out of retirement. We still have some eligibility left and our team needs us.
Swamprooter will play LB, and I will be at the "thug" position --- a roving deliverer of mayhem. My sole mission will be to take out LSU's thug, Jeremy Hill --- ain't nobody a badarse with his nutsack inverted up his rectum after a shot to the cods with brass knuckles. He'll be tiptoeing through the tulips the rest of the game, after my ejection for "targeting", of course. Pay close attention to the video review --- it should be a doozy. Once this brigand is taken out, the playing field will be a bit more level. Meanwhile, Swamprooter will be zeroed in like a heat seeking missile on Mettecheeseburger, harassing him at every step, taunting him in the King's English, confusing him with the smell of corndogs, distracting him with naked pics of his girlfriend, impersonating The Hat --- counterinsurgency at its finest --- until he is thrown out of the game. This should give the Rebels just the edge we need to tame the Tigahs.
Hey, it could work. It's gotta be better than the real plan.

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.